If You Give Karl A Hammer, He May Kill Someone

Last time on A Wicked Short ISBI, we welcomed Karl as the torchholder for generation three.  The family moved to a new house and lot in hope of clearing up a few persistent bugs.

"What do I do with this?"

Hit it with the hammer and chisel.

"Got it!!"

Hallelujah.

"I call it 'On The Knot Of A Towel'.  It represents man's balancing act between showing strength, and not flashing everyone and their grandmas."

While brilliant, 'On The Knot Of A Towel' will spend one, glorious night on the porch before being sold because one; we need the cash, and two;

it's how he gets promotions.

"Like I'd join the science career.  Did you see all the skills they need to learn?  No thanks!"

Old habits die hard. 

"What was that?  I heard a door shut.  Is that my mother?"

Head of the Sphinx: *silently judges*

Moo finally becomes an elder.  No party, just her family.  And some kid Eddie brought home.

"I would like to thank the couch that gave its life so I could be clothed."

Coco goes next. 

"I wish to be more like Mama!"

Okay Coco, your mother caused ONE fire.  That does not make it her "thing". 

Zack Durwood: "Did it just get really warm in here?"

"Zack!!  Your ass is on fire!!"

"Oh.  Well that'd explain it."

I made Karl put him out.  No dead teenagers on my watch.  Can teens burn to death?  I don't even know.

Okay, I looked it up and apparently they can.  WTG, Karl.

Hey, look who showed!!

"I cannot believe purple-hair guy did my job for me!  I'm supposed to be the hero!"

You can't even render properly, let alone actually show up in a timely manner.

My thoughts exactly, Karl.  My thoughts exactly.

"I am NEVER gonna get a promotion! My life as an NPC is meaningless!!"

The second caking was much less dramatic.  Coco rolled "slob".

He also got kind of cute.

Chris is the first ghost to show.  He quietly read a book. 

"What the hell else am I supposed to do?"

Gnubb did not make the move.

Karl can now work in ice.

"This fucking rocks!!"

Eddie is the next to have a birthday.

"I wish to get out of this house so I don't have to deal with anymore rugrats"

She rolled "dislikes children", and rolled "Jack of All Trades" for her LTW.  She is then sent out into the wilds of Story Progression, where all of my spares who dislike children always seem to end up having a ton of them.

"Why would you even say that?  Now you've jinxed me!"

Bye, Eddie!

She ended up in this cute little house on the other side of town.  She promptly got a job as a firefighter, and eventually dates Flint MacDuff.

"I call this one 'Wouldn't Last Sixty Seconds In The Sahara'." 

Nice!  Sell that bad boy before it melts.

I try to have Karl call Mara (yes, MAra, not Mira, oops) every day to keep up their relationship.  One day she came home with either Pugh or Coco, so Karl got to see her in person.

"Yeah, I'm still sculpting.  I'm starting to make money at it, now.  Someone always wants a sculpture, even if it's a clay toilet."

Coco: "I can't believe Karl gets a girlfriend when I don't get anybody.  Just because I was born last.  Hmmph."  *slams door into Karl*

"Well I'm glad to hear you like sculpting!  I still don't know what I'm gonna do.  I like to cook, and I love cats, so maybe I'll open a cat restaurant!  Anyway, my birthday is late tonight, so why don't you give me a call tomorrow if you're around."

"Great!  I'll do that!"

Next morning,

"I'm still sculpting!"

I don't know why he feels the need to keep telling her that.

"And I got a job!  I wash dishes at the diner!  It's not as glamorous as sculpting but I'm hoping that if I keep practicing my cooking, someday I'll be a five-star chef!"

"I think you'd make an amazing chef!"

"Oh Karl, that's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me!"

Stealth kiss!  He was quick, I was lucky to get the picture.

"I got you a graduation gift, Mara.  I think you're going to like it!"

"Will you marry me?"

"REALLY??  Of course I will!"

They had a nice, private wedding by the fairy pavilion.  Welcome to the insanity, Mara!

Her original LTW was cat herder.  She had already joined the cooking career, and was a level 4 or 5 in cooking, so as soon as she had 10,000 hps, I changed her LTW to 5 star chef.  I don't know if she'll make it but, at least, she'll have a shot.

Kid whose name I forgot to write down: "Um, Coco, what's up with your mom?"

"Yes, MOTHER!!  Coco's friend is a fairy, and he's in our house. SO WHAT??? ....... Oh you're just being paranoid, he's not going to make a mess! ....... It's MY house MOTHER!!  Not yours!  So if fairy kid wants to stay, he can stay and THAT is THAT!!"

 "Just ignore her, man.  She talks to my dead grandmother all the time.  Grandma didn't like fairys or some such shit.  Don't worry about it."

"Of course my mouth's not opening, I'm talking to a GHOST!!"

She's always had this weird glitch where her mouth doesn't always open when she talks.  It's usually during cakings, or mournings, or her rants. 

"Look, Mama, can you just move over a hair?  I want to sit down and eat my pink brains but I don't have the acreage most of us require just to park it in a chair."

"You see, Mother??  KARL doesn't care about the fairy kid!!  .......... Oh just SHUT UP ALREADY!!"

"Oh for crying out loud!! I just want to eat!  Go yell at Grandma somewhere else!!"

"Not now, Karl, Mama's starving.  Oooo!  Brains!!"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

He had to go get another one from the fridge and eat it in the living room.

*tap tap tap* "Come ON, Karl!  You need to move so I can get in the exact perfect spot to shoo you so I can use the broken toilet!!"

"I hate my family."

This happens constantly.  Either a shower or a toilet breaks and when I send Karl in to fix it, he can only get part way through before someone else comes in and shoos him so they can shower or use the toilet (broken or not).  Pugh had initially shooed Karl out but I canceled Karl's action and sent him back in.  He's almost done, we have another unoccupied bathroom, and Karl doesn't have all blessed night to dick around.

*BANG BANG* "I'm surrounded by fucking morons."  **BANG BANG**

Sorry, Karl, it's the name of the game.  You're going to be one of those morons some day.  It's probably a good thing he's a sculptor.  He's hot-headed, so left to his own devices he'd probably be enemies with his whole family at this point.

Meanwhile, in the house, Coco and Pugh are not exactly proving Karl wrong.

"Who drank all the coffee!!  I made a nice cup of coffee and it's gone!!"

"Oh dear, the sink is so dirty.  I'm afraid to even look at it."

"YOU drank it, didn't you!  Give it back or I'll reach in there and take it out!!"

"It's looking at me, isn't it?  Just sitting there, all filthy and gross, mocking me."

The uncoordinated "talk to self"s. 

Next day we have some more "morons about town" invading the house.

"I'm supposed to be flirty and fun and, instead, I look like an emo Shark Racket."

Captain Jack Harkness!  What the hell happened to your hair?  Damn.

Much better.  Stupid game.

My simself: "You are not the hot, flirty, omnisexual I made in CAS.  Bored now.  Go away!"

Dour Jack is not amusing.

Look who got old!  Hi, Pancake!

"Can you please get me out of this ridiculous riding outfit?  I don't even like horses!"

LOL!  No. 

I don't remember if I mentioned it, Pancake got together with Rainbow Crystal (a multi-colored sim I dropped into town).  They haven't gotten married but they do have a son, Winston. And Hot Dog and Marigold had another child, a girl named "Beverly".

On to the reason all these idiots are here in the first place.

"I wish to be a useless person with a useless job."

Me: "Shit, Pancake, that outfit is hideous."

"Make me a new one or fuck off, alright!"

Pugh rolled "snob", and CEO for his LTW.  Jerk.  I'm still mad at him for being a coward. Take your pretty green eyes and move out!

He scored a sweet trailer even smaller than the one he just left.

We'll end it here.  Next time, one last kid gets the boot, and babez!!  Oh, and Karl is still surrounded by idiots.

"Daaawwrr??"  *drool*

"Don't turn around or you'll kill him.  Don't turn around or you'll kill him."

Torchholders: 3
LTW: 0
Children: 7
Social Worker Visits: 0
Accidental/Total Deaths: 0/2
Pass Outs: 0

Pee fails: 0

Fires: 2

Fights: 0 

Reach top of career: 0

$100,000: 0