The End

"But it's a slide!"

It's not, really.

"It looks like one."

It does, but it's the underside of the stairs.

"I don't see any stairs."

*sigh*  Just stay put.  It's your birthday and your dad is coming for you."

"For crying out loud, Dad!  I'm a hundred miles away from the candle!  I can't blow that out."

"Honey, just blow.  Trust me, it doesn't take much."

"I'm getting really tired of all the bullshit going on around here."

Taj grew up a genius.  And a little scary.

"I'm going to go eat my cake, now."

You do that.

"Hello!  Can everyone please move back?  I need a buffer of about 10 more feet to get to the cake that's right in front of me!"

"What is this kid going on about?"

"I don't know, something about the cake.  Just grab a piece and run."

"How's my mouth, now?  Is it okay?  Are you sure?  Should we measure it?  We should measure it, see if it's proportional.  I'll get Dad's measuring tape.  HEY!  Is everyone making sure they are turning off the faucets properly??  We don't want to waste water!! And please recycle your napkins, there's a bin in the kitchen! Right near the stove.  So when you're recycling your napkin, please check the stove, make sure it's off.  We don't want to waste electricity, do we?"

A neurotic environmentalist.  Swell.

"Dude, what is up with your mouth?  It looks painted on or something."

"There's nothing wrong with it.  I measured it, it's fine!"

"I don't know, man.  Try smiling."

"NO!  No, no.  Nevermind. I don't think there's much you can do."

" ..................................................................................... I'll be right back, I have to find Dad."

The ghost dogs are going strong.  This is Dusty.  He initially belonged to someone on death's doorstep, so Ursula and Reggie adopted him.  He floated over to take a nap on the floor.

"Dammit, Dad!  Can't you walk out of that thing like a normal person? You almost hit me!"

"Sorry honey, but when the entire army of Genghis Khan is after you, get out however you can."

"Dad, it is not possible that Genghis Khan's entire army was after you.  His army was tens of thousands of soldiers strong."

"KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!"

"**sigh**"

Jefferson is a child.  I can't tell but I think he favors Ursula.

"I wish to get more enjoyment out of this crappy life."

"You people are not helping at all."

"Sorry honey, but it feels like we just did this."

She rolled excitable.

"I don't think it worked."

Flying up the stairs, while fun, is not going to work, man.  I'm sorry but you gotta walk.

"Please can the humor and just reset me."

Alright, who the fuck walked away from the stove?

*crickets chirping*

NEFARIO!  GET DOWN HERE!!

"But ... I don't know how to make grilled cheese."

It's almost done, just take it out of the pan with a spatula.

"A what?"

Everyone survived.  The sandwiches were even edible.  Expensive stove = totally worth it.

"Oh yeah.  Don't mind me, pretty leadeh, I'm just passing through.  GrrrOWL."

"Sitting naked in the tub, face level with a ghost dogs ass.  My life has come to this."

You're welcome.

"How come Taj gets a birthday, too?  She's younger than me?"

"Because I'm amazing, dumb ass."

Because I'm done, I just want to see what y'all look like as adults.

Eiffel rolled "workaholic", and his LTW is Illustrious Author.  Taj rolled "computer whiz" and her LTW is Dynamic DNA Profiler.

I honestly don't know which one I would have picked.

It's been a fun 10 generations.  They are worth over $500,000.

The final tally,

Torchholders: 9

LTW: 4
Children: 29
Social Worker Visits: 0
Accidental/Total Deaths: 1/17
Pass Outs: 12
Pee fails: 16
Fires: 3
Fights: 0  
Reach top of career: 3
$100,000: 4

Not too shabby, they would definitely be well into the positive.