Barb Achieves Enlightenment

Welcome back to the Wicked Short ISBI!

"Now get out, I have a wish to fulfill."

She wants to woohoo in the hot tub, so she invited her buddy, Trent, over.

Fox: "I can't believe this.  I might as well not even BE here.  I might as well have not even been BORN."

Nothing like witnessing your mother porking some strange dude in the same hot tub you like to relax in to end your day right.

Trent: "OXYGEN!!  I need OXYGEN!!"

Barb: "Damn, you're a lightweight."

Fox: "I'm gonna go hang out with the dirty laundry, it's much nicer company."

Bonnie: "Ugh.  Which one's this one?"

Bonnie took her annoyance out on her dollies.

"Look, asshole, time for you to go home.  It's late and I'm going to bed.  Without you."

"NO, you are NOT calling me!  I'm not calling you.  No one's calling ANYONE.  You did, you came, now you GO.  Damn!!"

"Look, whatever your name is, you better be gone by the time I turn around or else I'll put your ass in a sling!"  "...........I wonder if that guy outside is gone yet?"

Oh, my poor, dear Bonnie.  He's not.

Fox: "Look, mister, Mom got what she invited you here for, now will you go home already?  I want to have some cake and you're kinda ruining my appetite."

Trent: "Well, I'm sorry, young lady, but your mother and I are having an awesome time and I don't think she wants me to leave yet."

Barb: "Chick's right.  I'm done, now GTFO.  Go home to your wife, she just popped out another kidlet."

"Hey Mom, watch this!!

"Nice outfit, Clyde!"

"All the better for seeing my moves!!"

"I think your sister is calling you.  You should go see what she wants."

"Okay, Mom!"

"Hey Bonnie!!  Are you lookin' for me? ...........  BOOOOOONNNNNNIIIIEEEEE!!!!!"

"Well I wasn't but ...... DUDE!!  CLYDE!!  Man, put on some pants and you can come up for my big feast."

"You weren't looking for me?  Huh.  Mom must've misheard.  No thanks, Bonn!  I'm gonna go to bed."

Clyde went off to bed and I thought for sure that Bonnie would sleep in the treehouse, she was really tired.  but she didn't.  She slid down and checked under her bed for monsters, of course she saw a monster.  Then she wouldn't go to sleep.

Finally one of the teens got up, so Bonnie got in her bed, only to get right back out to pee herself.  WTG, Bonnie. I think she was scared, poor thing, her bladder wasn't even that low.

The really weird thing is while she definitely peed, you can see the puddle, her hygiene didn't drop at all.  She didn't get the stinky moodlet.  So I'm not counting this as a pee fail as I think she peed herself out of fear.

Next day at school.....

Run Vag, run!!  He's a fairy!!

There you are, Clyde!  I didn't notice you'd never come home was wondering where you were!

"Can't I stay?  It's much more fun, and a lot quieter, here."

Sure.  Your mom is at home yelling at your sister, so you can "follow" her home in a little bit.

"Which sister?"

"Zzzzzzz I'm trying to run away but I can't zzzzzzzZ"

Why, Vag?  Why are you sleeping in your mother's bed when there are five other beds to choose from?

"Oh NO THAT GIRL AIN'T!!!"

"What the HELL are you doing in MY bed?  What the hell is wrong with you?? You are WAY too old for this shit!"

"I'm sorry, Mom!  I was so tired and your bed is so comfortable.  Plus, Bonnie slept in my bed last night and now I'm all confused."

"Oh spare me!  There are plenty of beds in this house, and Bonnie and Clyde sleep in that treehouse half the time anyway.  I ever see you in here again you'll be sleeping in the damn yard, too!"

"Okay, okay.  Hmph.  I'm outta here anyway."

Let's entitle this photo "Dirty Laundry Hoarding: The Early Years".  It'll make sense soon, trust me.

Today is all four kids birthdays.  More cake leftovers!  No one has had to cook this generation.  The cake is sustaining them all.

Fox came home after school so she got a cake.  Vag went over someone's house so she'll age up last.

"I wish to get the hell out of here."

"Me too, kid.  Me too."

She's pretty!  She looks a lot like her mother.  She rolled "Great Kisser" for her trait, and "Jack of All Trades" for her LTW.

The younger twins went next.

Barb: "Are we about done?  I am so sick of blowing this damn horn!!"

Clyde: "Heh-heh, mom's sick of blowing horns.  Heh heh."

Bonnie rolled "night owl", and got her mother's haircut.

Clyde rolled "excitable", and got that really douchy 'do that I hate.

"Jus' for that I'm gonna keep it forever n' always."

I gave Bonnie a new 'do.

Oh look, Vag's friend lives in the old house.  And he's the same "wealth and riches" fairy scumbag.  I'd feel sorry for Vag but Fox didn't fare much better.

She's cute!  And also really looks like Barb.

At least she got her study habits up to "indifferent".  I'm honestly surprised Fox was able to roll her trait.  Vag rolled "Creature Robot Crossbreeder" for her LTW.  Boring.

Um, you ARE Barbra, Barb.

"Oh shut up, I'm just making sure it's still labeled correctly after that Fox debacle."

That was Vag.

"Like it matters."

The town is getting quite full so I moved both girls in with 2, who still lives alone with his dog.  Don't feel sorry for him.  They are all living in one of my houses that's got four bedrooms and a huge basement.  Plenty of room for everyone.

The girls both got jobs.  Fox is a ghosthunter!  She probably can't wait to take out her frustration with all of her ancestors antics on the poor, hapless ghosts of Appaloosa Plains.

Speaking of employment.

Barb!  What is going on?

"What are you talking about?  I just got promoted!"

Yes, but it says you're missing work, your work bar is going into the red.  You need to get back to the criminal warehouse.

"But I'm tired!"

Here, drink this.

*throws it back like a shot*

"Ahhh, this is way better than coffee!"

Don't tell that to your Grandpa Karl.

"What?  Who?"

Nevermind.  Go back to work.

So she went back and her work bar stopped going down, but it didn't go up either.  Then 3am came and went and she didn't leave.  I had to cancel her action.

Weird.  I think the game doesn't like the "promote immediately" setting in MC.  I least I think it's in MC.  The problem with the criminal career is Barb will be at work, at the top of her promotion bar, only to get arrested and have her promotion set back at least another day, if not another 2-3 days.  She's gonna live a long while yet, but certainly not forever.  So I tweaked the setting that ends the workday right as the promotion bar fills instead of at the end of the shift.  She got promoted, left work, but was still on "work time" according to the game.  Oh well.  Beats not getting promoted at all.

Oh. My. God.  Max, you look.........

"Oh just say it, I look fucking ridiculous.  Just fix it please!"

Better?

"Much."

Barb was at the gym getting her workout on.

Kick ass!!

Barb met this guy, I don't even know where.  Grandma Grape will be so disappointed in you, girl.

Barb: "So, Don, you're rich."

"Thanks for showing me around, you have a very nice home!"

"Um, thanks.  So....do wanna go back into the living room and play pool or something?"

"Sure!  That sounds like f.....hey, what's that?  You've got something on your ceiling, see?"

"What?  I don't see anything."

"Do you wanna build a snowmaaaaaaaaaan?  Come on let's go and play!!"

"The FUCK?!?!?!?!?"

Oh dear.  She's not that kind of gal, Donald.

"WHAT. THE. FUCK?  You come into MY house and throw SNOW at me?  Have ALL your screws fallen out?"

"I'm sorry!  I thought it was cute."

"CUTE?  Tell me, Donald, do I LOOK like I do cute?  Do I look like I love stupid, overrated, earworm infested Disney musicals?  Do you know me but AT ALL?"

"LOL!  Look, Barbra, it was just a joke.   No harm done.  Tell you what, why don't we go out?  You pick the place, my treat."

"Okay.  But NO funny business."

"I know just the place I want to go, but first could we please stop at the elixir shoppe?  I have a few things I need to pick up."

"Sure!  Hop in!"

"Damn, how did I miss this car earlier in my career?"

"Hi!  I'd like to browse your wares."

"Of course!  Are you looking for something in particular?"

"No.  I think I'll know it when I see it."

"Ding ding, we have a winner!!"

"Did you get what you needed?"

"Why yes, yes I did!  Hey, what's that, there's something on the floor!"

"Where?  I don't see anything."

"Right HERE, jackass!"  *SMASH*

"I feel strange.......something's not right.....what's happening?"

"It's called 'Don't Mess With The Queen'.......you sad, pathetic little bitch."

And he's so happy about it!

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??  WHERE ARE MY WINGS??  Bring them back!!  You better fix me you, you MONSTER!!"

"Wait, how does it go?  Oh, right.  **Let it goooooo, let it gooooo, and I'll rise like the break of dawn. Let it gooooooo, Let it gooooooo, the perfect girl is gooooone!!  Heeeere I stand in the LIGHT of day, let the storm rage onnnn,................

the cold never bothered me anyway."

"But....I...You.....I.....YOU are a HORRIBLE person!  I played one little prank on you and you've ruined my life!!  I NEVER want to see you again!!"

"What?  I'm not getting my 'good friends' wish?"

Try not to be all broken up over it, Barb.

Don't feel bad for Donald.

Turns out that not only is he the father of Toni, but the dipshit on the far right is the same "wealth and riches" ass that Vag had to deal with.  I guess the douche doesn't fall far from the nozzle.

Barb: "Best. Date. Ever."

I'm glad you had a good time.

ANYWAY....in other news, Tonks is knocked up....and still kinda mean looking.

"UGH!  Seriously, why are you EVERYWHERE?  Get that camera away from me before I smash your face with it."

I'd blame her hormones except ...........

"GO!!!"

Okay, fine.  Barb, we gotta go.   Barb?  Barb??

There you are.  Why are you at Donald's house, doing what I think you're doing?

"SHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh!  Be quiet!!  It's my old house and this is my stuff in the yard.  I'm taking it back."

It was sold with the house, you bought all new stuff.

"Look lady, shut the fuck up or get the fuck out!!  I'm busy."

"Ha!  I don't know what a stupid ass fairy needs a nice stereo for anyway.  You know, I don't have a buffet table."

That's true, you've never wished for one.

"Well I wish for this one."

You can buy your own.

"I like THIS one."

It's got upside-down animals on it.

"What are YOU bitching about?  You made the damn thing!"

Yeah but................................oh just take it.  And answer your butt.

"Ahhhh, they look so much better here, don't you think?"

Your butt, Barb.

"It's just Donald.  Fuck him, it's my stuff now."

An after-midnight date?  Sounds totally legit.  Not at all like a booty call.

"If he's cute, and not a whiny little bitch, he can call my booty any time."

So you're going then?

I guess you are.

"Behind the restaurant?  He better be REALLY hot."

I'm not sure he's gonna show.

"Wait, someone just drove up, hold on."

I'm wild with anticipation.

"So......you're old."

Whoooooooo boy.

"And YOU'RE jus da' cutest little thang, ain't cha?  When I wuz ur age I wuz kwite a looker mah self.  *snort*  Corse back den I could throw back da' Jack ALLLLLL night LONG *BELCH* and still keep mah dancin' shoes on, if ya knowwhaddamean, little girlie.  **wink wink, nudge nudge**  Good thang ol' Joey gots little blues to help him dance nowadays.  Fur yew, bebeh dawll, I'd a even take TWO."

"Oh my fucking god, I have never in my life needed a drink more than I do right now."

"*hic* Why, sho' thang, litta ladeh!  Ol' Joey heah will setcha' right......."

"The hell you will.  BYE!!"

"Say one word and you'll be wearing this drink."

........................................................................

Barb decided to go to The Grind, the only place still open, to salvage what was left of the evening.

"And my will to live."

The population left at the club was such a turn on that Barb chose to go upstairs to the rafters and dance all by herself.

"I've decided to come to terms with the fact that I'm unique in my awesome, bad assery and have given up on the idea of finding anyone to be anything more than a warm body to suit my current purpose. It's time I focused on MY happiness and stopped worrying about everybody else."

Gee, why is Clyde so cranky?  Maybe, and I may be off base here, but just maybe he's unhappy with living in a sea of dirty clothes?

Of course someone could do laundry.

"Hmmmm, it appears that this bin is full."

They are all full.  You need to *wash* the clothes.

"BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

"Yeah, fuck that.  I was iffy about putting them in the hamper in the first place."

*sigh*

I had even moved the washer and dryer from their original home in the alcove next to the stairs in hopes of clearing up any possible routing issues.  Lord knows they have no trouble getting to the fridge.

No dice.   Tune in next chapter to see just how bad it gets.  Meanwhile, here's a lovely announcement.

Sylvester, in case you've forgotten, I certainly had, is Buck's son.  So Vag is dating her Great-Uncle.

Yeah.  Exactly.

Next time, Barb makes a rather serious lifestyle choice, and you get a new torchholder.

Torchholders: 7

LTW: 3
Children: 25
Social Worker Visits: 0
Accidental/Total Deaths: 0/17
Pass Outs: 7
Pee fails: 14
Fires: 3
Fights: 0  
Reach top of career: 1
$100,000: 4