Hoarders: The Dirty Laundry Edition

"Hi Francis, thanks for coming over.  Sorry about your name."

"You're wel.....wait, what?  What's wrong with my name?"

"Really?  Ummm.....nothing, it's fine.  I invited you over because you're my best friend (true, I think they work together) and a vampire, which means you live forever, which sounds really cool.  I've decided that I want to be a vampire, too!"

Also true.

"So, how about it?  Would you hook me up?"

"Yeah sure!  We've all long admired your work and your attitude.  You've definitely got what it takes to be a cold, solitary creature of the night."

"Oh my god, this is gonna be amazing!!"

"Hold still, please.  This may not be creating a death ray but I still take pride in my work."

"Wooooooaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!"

"Mmmmmmm, tasty.  Very sweet, you must have a high sugar diet."

It amuses me that Barb has birthday cake flavored blood.

"Nothing's happening."

"It takes a few days to kick in."

"WHAT?  Are you sure there's nothing wrong with you?"

"Don't make me stake you already."

Welcome back to the Wicked Short ISBI, kids.  Remember when I said, last chapter I believe, that Barb isn't going to be around forever?  Turns out I was wrong.  Although she loves the outdoors, and her hot tub, so she could still accidentally off herself.

While Barb is waiting for something to happen, let's school stalk.

The Angry Sisters are Eugenia and Yasmin.  They are the grandchildren of Butch and the great-grandchildren of Thinker. Their mother's father is Agustin, Thinker's son.

Yup, Amadeus blood on both sides of the family, no wonder they're so pissed.

This is Max's youngest child, Eddie.

And this is Brenna, Buck's granddaughter.

And also, as a of now, Vag's potential step-daughter.  Her father is Sylvester.

No, Barb.  Getting fired takes too long.  You can quit if you want, or get demoted, but you're not getting fired.

"You never let me have anything."

Bonnie and Clyde still exist. They just don't do a whole lot.  This is pretty much what Clyde does. Actually, what are you doing?

"Praying to the billiards gods to let me sink this shot."

He loves the pool table.

"Come on, baby!  You're the only thing in my life with any meaning, give papa some love!"

Who needs a stick?

Didn't sink it?

"I did but I REALLY gotta pee!!"

Sometimes the obsession does not work out so well.

You go, Fox!  Get yourself some old dude.  Actually he may not be that old.  I can't tell.

Of course she's at the pool in the middle of the day.

"Is it over?  How do I look?  Oh shit, sun!  Gotta get inside!"

"Oh yeah baby, lookin' GOOD!!"

"Wait a minute, WHY can I see myself in this mirror?  There is some bullshit afoot up in here and I'd like to know who's responsible!"

IKR?

Okay, fine!

"Hi, it's Barb.  I know I just got promoted but I wanted to call and tell you that I hate all of you and I quit. ...........................That's right...................MmmmHmmm.................no, you can go fuck yourself with a serrated telephone pole.................Yup, and your mother.  Bye!!    That was SO much fun."

Two seconds later.........

"What?  How am I going to have the fun of quitting again if I don't actually work?"

Oh barf. Your upbringing really fucked you up good, Vag.

Remember the "Dirty Laundry Hoarding, The Early Years" picture of a chapter or so ago?  No?  Doesn't matter.

The piles got together and had little putrid babies, which grew up and had more babies.

And even more babies.  The one RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE WASHER is my personal favorite.  It's beyond disgusting.  No one does laundry.  No one.  At best they pick up a pile, stand in front of a hamper, and drop the clothes.  This is the worst it's been the whole legacy by a very long shot.  Congratulations, you filthy, revolting morons!!

"Really?  I'm so surprised!  I'd like to thank the hot tub, for going that extra mile to help me truly not give a shit, and I'd like to acknowledge my offspring for doing their part in my achievement of this incredible milest............"

I was being sarcastic, it's not something to be proud of.

"Pffffft, just because YOU'VE never accomplished anything."

Moving on.

You're free to go up in a puff of smoke, Barb, it's birthday and new torchholder time!

"I really don't want to be torchholder, so I wish to blow it by being boring."

"I wish to go to bed."

Hang in there, Clyde.

Bonnie rolled "irresistable" for her trait, and "Creature Robot Crossbreeder" for her LTW.

Clyde rolled "Born Salesman" and "Jack of All Trades".

I really like them both and briefly considered dual heirship, but in the end Bonnie is too much like Barb and has a boring LTW.  Clyde's isn't much better but I like his look, in spite of that heinous hair. So Congrats Clyde, you're the torchholder for the eighth generation!

Clyde?   CLYDE!!!!

Next chapter, new house, new town.  SO FRACKING EXCITING!!!

Torchholders: 8

LTW: 3
Children: 25
Social Worker Visits: 0
Accidental/Total Deaths: 0/17
Pass Outs: 8
Pee fails: 14
Fires: 3
Fights: 0  
Reach top of career: 1
$100,000: 4