In Which Clyde Is Way More Awesome Than Barb

"Anytime now, honey."

"Clyde, I love you but you need to shut the fuck up before I ram my foot up your ass."

Last chapter Clyde became the torchholder for generation eight, married Chasity, they had little Dr. Nefario, and are on their way to have baby number two.

"Is your mother still gonna be there when we get back?"

"She should go to work."

"Bitch better."

They welcomed little Ursula, named after the Disney villain.

Also purple and evil.

Needless to say, Barb was still home and non-burnt when Clyde and Chasity arrived.  So let's fast forward to the next day's birthdays instead.

Dr. Nefario is becoming a child, and Chasity is becoming an adult.

I invited a whole bunch of people, including the spares, and the only two who came out to cheer are also the only two most likely to fry in the sun, Barb and Gregorio. All the other bumfucks stayed in the house, blathering away with each other about nothing.

"Where's the computer?  I gotta chat with some people so I learn how to talk."

Nefario learned to use the potty and walk.  Not too shabby.  Of course he grew up in his underwear.  Oz would be proud.

"Come ON Chas, I'm hungry!!"  *punches through her arm*

Triplets!!  Non-actives never have triplets in my games.  Cool!

Nefario gets his welcome to the family hazing from Barb.

"Alright, kid...."

"Remember Grandma B, I'm only 7!!"

"QUIET!! No grandchild of mine is going to be a simpering baby!"

Still loving the boots.

"OW!!  Grandma!!!"

"*sigh*  I suppose there's still hope for the other one."

I was bored and decided to go MC > open the spare's houses and have a peek at the kids.

This is Jimmie, the result of Bonnie and Ezekiel's inbreeding.

This is Howard, Fox and Denver's son.

*sigh*  This is Marco.  He's Vag's son with Sylvester, Buck's son.  Now, Sylvester's mother is Ashley, daughter of my simself and.........do the lips remind you?  That's right, Goodwin.  Dammit, Goodwin!!  At least now I know to never purposely marry you into the family.  The duck lips are still going strong three generations down the line.

Here's Leila.  Brenna is Sylvester's daughter from his first wife.

And this is Dewayne, son of 211 and my simself.

I didn't bother with pictures of the baby.

So Barb psyched me out by doing laundry that one time. I don't think she, or anyone else, has touched it since.

Hey Grape!  Instead of taking a nap, why don't you grab some clothes and do a load?

At least Clyde is a slob and does not care but at all.

"Why couldn't I have stayed home for my sister's birthday, instead of riding with this creep?"

Your father actually cares about your grades, so no skipping for you.

"Why the fuck am I bringing this screaming pupa to her cake?  She HAS parents!"

I think they are both home, too.  Chas is on maternity leave and Clyde is painting or something.  I guess Ursula just loves you best, Barb!

"Oh bite me, that can't possibly be the reason."

Awwww!  Somebody looks like a grandma clone with darker skin.

The eyes may be a little different. Maybe that's why she picked you, Barb.

"She's annoying but at least she's gorgeous."

Clyde wished to teach Ursula all her skills.

"Okay Ursula, when you grow up Daddy wants you to only date nice boys, or girls, Daddy doesn't care about that."

"Nice boiz an durs."

"And if they're rich, all the better.  I mean, we're rich too, so if you date someone rich at least you'll know they are not after our money.  Plus then we can get more nice stuff."

"Daddy buy nice tuff!!"

"Actually, I think your grandmother stole a lot of it.

"Damma tay FUT!!"

"Yes, yes she does."

Nefario made himself a little friend at school.  This is Selena Swain-Bayless.  He went to her house after school.

And unlike most of the playdates in this ISBI, he actually spent a sizeable portion of it talking to her.

"I find our math class to be quite slow and mundane, honestly.  I wish they'd incorporate computers into the classroom.  It's 2014, time to let the pencil and paper go, don't you think?"

"I wish they'd let us play video games in class!  I'd learn much faster, anyway."

"WOAH!!  Look out!  They almost got you!"

"I know right!!  This level is tough!"

So cute.  I put her in stasis, just in case.

"Sorry honey, Daddy's gotta get his fix!!"

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  All mine!!"

"Daddy?  What happen to you?"

No lollies for babies in this house!

"Come on, one more promotion to go!"

I swear the elixir didn't do jack.  His work bar didn't seem to move any faster, nor did it get any significant boost.  Rip.  Maybe the elixir expired.

"Is anybody gonna come get me?"

Nope.  Your needs are all in the green so you are being ignored until your father comes home from work.

"I hate everybody."

*hours later*

"I can't believe you're still in your crib!  Up you go!!"

Barb is a NEEERRRRD!!!

"Oh My GOD FUCK OFF!!  So I like computer games!  I don't see what the big fucking deal is."

Me either, but University disagrees.

Rolled, of course. Well played, Barb.  Well played.

Chasity hit the required 10,000 points so I changed her LTW.

Finally!!

Yes, yes he does.

"Hey man, I have a bunch of paintings to sell.  And I figured I might as well take a look at what you have."

"Sure.  Let me know if anything looks good."

Oh yes.  The old one get left in Venus/MVP's house with the gnomes. I managed to forget it again when I sent a sim back for the gnomes.

That afternoon Clyde sold most of his paintings and jumped to level 6 in one go.  SaWEET!

Moving on. This should be his last job. I am optimistic about his lifetime wish.

You're killing me, MVP, KILLING.ME.

I approve of this name.

Nefario!  Quit your uber-creepy eyes-open-sleeping and get home!

"I wish to have more friends my own age!"

Yeah, super exciting party for the kid.  His mother and his crazy grandmother,

and his father actually cheering.  He's got Aunt Vag reading a book, some old lady dancing,

and a whole bunch of buttheads in the house arguing.  Including Aunt Bonnie, old man 2, my simself's widower Richie, and Fox in some stupid animal hat.

"It's called 'avante-garde', you plebeian."

His betrothed friend Selena is in the foreground.

"You're gonna love my hair!"

OH HELL NO!!!

Much better.  He rolled "brave" for his trait.  I'm really liking him for torchholder (last one!).

Not in the least because Ursula may have permanent emotional scars.

"FLIES!!  Daddy, get the flies away!  They're EVERYWHERE!! HEELLLLLLLLP!!"

Something you want to tell me, Clyde?

"It's a JOKE!!  Come on, it'll be funny!"

"Minion..I mean child, this bathroom is disgusting.  Clean it."

"Okay."

"Ahh, it's good to be the queen!  I love having little brats around to do my bidding."

"Meh meh meh, I'm Barb.  I'm an annoying, rude, worthless pile of dna who thinks I'm really awesome, when in reality I'm just an obnoxious waste of space."

"Look bitch, if it weren't for the fact that my son can't possibly raise these two kids on his own, and I need you around to take care of this house, I'd bury your sorry ass in the backyard!  You'd like to think you're a bad ass kleptomaniac like me, how's that looking from the inside of these four walls that you never leave?  You can bust through my shelves all you want, you fuckwit, but you'll never be anything more than a poser wannabe!"

"Oh I'm so skeered of the old, washed up, vampire chick!  You skip work as often as you go.  Did your co-workers give you a maximum number of hours they can stand you per week?  What's the point of living forever if you have no friends because no one can stand being around you?  Not even your own family!"

"Whattsa matter little baby?  So sad that the cool chick in town sees what a useless newb you are?  Get over yourself.  You may need other people to love and fawn all over you but don't project that affliction onto me. Now get the hell out of my bathroom!"

"Whatever, you crazy ass bitch."

I kept waiting for them to fight it out but they never did.

"GodDAMN Barb is a screechy old harpy.  I don't know how you've put up with her for so long."

"Eh. She's a lot easier to deal with when you're a ghost. I hardly even notice her anymore.  If she bothers me, I just drift into her room in the morning when she's just gone to sleep and wake her up.  I can also mess up her routing and make her forget things.

"Well, chances are I'm gonna die before she does, so I guess that gives me something to look forward to!"

"Not to piss in your Cheerios, but I doubt it.  Only torchholders get to stay on the lot, no spouses or spares."

"Oh fuck me then!"

Next day is Ursula's birthday.

Barb: "Why do you have these parties outside during the day? Come on kid, blow out the damn candles and get this shit over with so I can go back inside."

"For fuck's sake, Mom.  No one is holding a gun to your head, you can haul it back inside anytime you want."

"Don't get fresh with me, boy.  Don't think that just because I'm your mother, I won't bite you."

Pretty!  Ursula got to roll her trait.  She's now excitable.

Autonomous laundry.  Wow, Clyde!  I thought you are a slob?

"I am a slob, but even a slob can only take just so many flies all over the house."

FFS, Barb!  She over sunned herself in the hot tub again.

Meanwhile, after school, across town, on the other side of the tracks.......

"Come ON people!! Tiffani is starving here!  She clearly needs a bottle.  Why isn't anyone feeding her?"

Blond Guy: "Babies cry dude, especially in this shit hole of a house.  Get used to it."

Lyle: "I've got homework.  Besides, she's not my kid."

Tiffani:  "Someone, anyone, call social services before I die."

Nefario: "This place is horrible. One would think you were all related to my Grandmother."

Who knows Nefario, they probably are.

Kid number three.  You go, 2, you old dude.

Next day at the arcade....

"My son told me about you, you neglectful asshole."

Blond Dude:  "La-de-dah, I may have Dumbo ears but that doesn't mean I actually hear you."

"WOAH!!  What's the matter with YOU, man?  Why are you glaring at me?"

"My mother used to leave us to cry and be hungry, too!!  How does it feel now, you jackass??"

"Shit, he's a tank!!"

"Feed your kid when she's hungry you douchebag!! Don't let her sit on the floor and cry!!  If I hear anything otherwise I'll hunt you down and do a lot more than wipe the floor with your ass!!"

The fight was totally autonomous, btw.  Clyde wanted to fight the loser out of the clear blue.  I like to think that Nefario filled him in and touched a nerve.

That night I get yanked away from whatever I was watching, to the criminal warehouse.  Why?

Someone sunned AND starved her crazy ass to death.  The "starving" moodlet counts down dramatically faster when they've got the "too much sun" moodlet.

"Holy fuck, I am so HUNGRY!!!"

"Melting!! I'M MELLLLLTIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNG!!!"

Except that's not a puddle.

Hmmmm, I think Grim is here!

"Okay what the hell?  Did someone keel over in a dumpster?  I don't do dumpsters."

Nice!!

"Oh come on, Grim!  Cut me some slack, here!  I haven't even had a chance to kick my son's wife's ass, yet!"

"You wouldn't stay out of the sun, and you starved yourself to death.  You did this to yourself with your unbelievable stupidity.  Now get in the ground, you're long overdue!!"

"OMG lucifer!1 ur not gonna bleeve this, bro!  I finnily snaged barbra amadeus1  u shudda seen dis girl beggin!  ill send u the video"

And here's me,

Thus goes my favorite torchholder.  I knew that moron was going to kill herself.

Next time, the family goes on, somehow, and I choose the last torchholder of this ISBI.

Torchholders: 8

LTW: 3
Children: 27
Social Worker Visits: 0
Accidental/Total Deaths: 1/17
Pass Outs: 10
Pee fails: 14
Fires: 3
Fights: 0  
Reach top of career: 1
$100,000: 4