Epic Parenting, This Is How You Do It

Welcome back!  Last chapter Bonnie and Clyde joined the family in spite of Barb's efforts, Fox and Vag became teens, 2 was mostly ignored, Barb got a smartphone, and there were ....... well let's just call them 'boundary issues'.  Today is the teen girls first day of high school, let's hope it goes well!

What's a little sad is it really took me until after 10 simtime to realize that Vag was not in school.

"Who needs school?  The hot tub is so much better for one's psyche."

 Et tu, Fox?

"Did you see that school bus?  Disgusting!  I don't think that thing's EVER been cleaned.  I am NOT going on that bus."

So what did their mother think of all this truancy?

"I don't give a crap if they go to school or not, so long as they stay out of my way.  Now beat it, I'm eating."

She'll work on her "Mother of the Year" award acceptance speech after breakfast.

At least 2 is attempting to make something of himself.  And he's planning to clean up when he gets home.

I did some school stalking.  If that bores you you'll have to get scroll happy, there's a lot.

This is Max's daughter, Anita, now a teen.  She still has her father's ears, poor thing.  She's really pretty otherwise.

This is Kris, Thinker's great grandson.

And this is Derek, another one of Thinker's great grandchildren.  His grandmother is Shana, the fairy Oz turned into an icicle.  She's still kicking.

This is Max's mini-me, Gillian.

This is Brenna, Buck's granddaughter via his son, Sylvester.

This is Leslie, Crichton's daughter who was born the same day as 211.

And this is Christa, Abdul's daughter with Colleen Bull (Crichton's romantic interest).  She's got Amy's eyes.

Lastly, this is little Eugenia, Butch's granddaughter.  We met her as a toddler in the library when Barb was pregnant with Bonnie and Clyde.

"Uh oh.  I knew I should have stopped playing guitar and eaten sooner."

I'm glad nothing's on the grill.

"Leaving me with Bonnie and Clyde, I see.  Sure.  Why not?  Why shouldn't I be the only one to take care of OUR children?"

"Hold on, you died before I got to kill you for cheating on me!!  Dammit!  I had plans!  I had such *sob* beautiful plans!!"

Christopher: "Well, well.  This looks interesting!"

"Okay, where the??  ARGH!!!  I give up!!"

"Always have to ruin my dramatic entrance.  I hate these people!"

"*yawn*  Good LORD man, this death is BORING.  I'll be in the hot tub."

"Break it and I'll personally call in the Ghostbusters."

"OH THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE!! Grim, this place is hell!  It's filthy, crowded, and the screaming.  Oh lord the screaming!  Get me out of here!!"

"I can't blame you.  I'm really quite sick of these people myself."

Damn, it's a real crowd.  Hi Georgie!!

"One less dumb ass equals more bed for me!!"

Bye Crichton.  You were a good father husband sperm donor.

Headline: AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE EVISCERATES TODDLER!!! Details at 11!

"EW!  No way, no how are we getting on that bus!"

Thanks, Karl.

"What? I'm just exercising!"

Please leave before Fox sees you.

"Yeah, I'm just gonna go back to bed."

Great.

I don't know.  I think her personality may be screwed whether she goes or not.

It's Barb's birthday!  Old ladyhood is calling.

"Fuck that shit.  I ain't ready to get old!"

"Yay!!  Happy Unbirthday to me!!"

"This had better work."

"Hell yeah I'm fucking amazing!!"

She used the one 'fountain of youth' elixir that we had that goes so far back, I'm not sure who bought it.  It could have been Karl.

You're lucky I love you, Barb, cause you are gonna be around for a long time yet.

Now go tell your kids to go to school.

"Oh god, at least we're not in a bathroom, she can't be that mad................."

"Here's the deal, dude, I get 2,000 happiness points if you get on the honor roll, so go to school mmmkay?"

"Oh!   Okay.  Sure!  Bye!"

Great!  Now tell the girls.

*checks wishes*

"Nope, nothing there.  Don't care what they do."

I give up.

Alright, let's age these toddlers up and see what traits the game saddles them with.  Bonnie learned to walk and is potty trained, and Clyde learned to walk.

Vag: "Happy Birthday, Bonnie!  I'm so glad I ditched school for this!"

Not too shabby.

Fox is around somewhere out of camera view.

Why was his upbringing difficult?  I thought it had to do with skills, but I guess not.  He didn't learn as much as Bonnie, but he certainly learned more than 211, who had "modest" development.  Stupid game.

I like them.  Clyde looks a lot like his father.

"Well, all my kids are grown.  Time for me to re join the work force and be a productive member of society!"

Your kids are not grown.

"Can they eat, sleep, and clean up their own shit by themselves?  Yes?  Voila!  Grown."

I suppose it's the logical choice.

"It's gonna be a breeze.  That gold fox is mine!"

Provided you don't spend every other work day in jail.

Today is 211's birthday as well, and since Barb has decided that she still hates parties, she didn't throw him one.  He went to some random kid's a friend's house after school and grew up there.

"Does this mean I still have to be home by 11?"

Since "home" will be your own house, no.

Aw, he's a sweetie.  I see shades of Karl in there.  He rolled "no sense of humor" for his trait, and Golddigger for his LTW.  He moved into his own little place that I plonked down just for him, he never even went back home.

And in rather quick succession, he got a puppy, a job, and a girlfriend.  Rock on, 2!!

Meanwhile, back at the house....

"Aw HELL NO!!  That guy looks like he escaped from NIMH!  He needs to get the hell out of our house before I break out the glue traps!"

Oh for pete's sake, Clyde!  Go put on some pants and leave your sister's friend alone.

"Why should I put on pants that are only gonna get left in a filthy, stinking pile on the floor?"

Excellent point.  Carry on.

So Barb has accumulated quite a few happiness points, and while perusing the list to see what to purchase for her, I saw this.

Hey Barb, you wanna get your college degree?

"And go back to school?  Hell no, once was more than enough for that bullshit."

It's an instant reward, you don't have to go to school.

"Seriously?  Sure!  Hit me."

Because why not?

LOL!  She went back to school to be childish.  I rolled the trait and that's what she got.

So.  First day at work?

"This is so cool!  My street cred was pretty hefty to start with.  Now it's gonna be legen.......wait for it....."

No I'm not waiting.

"Sorry it took me so long to get back in the car, ma'am, I was told that there were other people to arrest in the warehouse but I couldn't find anyone.  I hope you weren't too uncomfortable."

"Not me, I'm fine.  Just fine."

You stole something, didn't you?

"Out of the UNLOCKED glove compartment.  That level of stupid is beggin' for some schoolin'."

"OMG, Clyde, did you hear?  Aunt Max called, Mom got arrested at work!  I don't think it's that serious, Auntie was laughing pretty hard, but she wanted us to know that Mom's not gonna be home until much later today."

"Really?  That's SO COOL!  I wonder what she was doing?  Maybe she was plotting to take over the science building, that would be awesome!"

"Clyde!  What's the matter with you?  I can't believe you think this is cool!  Mom was breaking the law and now she's in jail.  Our mother is a criminal, Clyde!  How can you be okay with that?"

"Well, sure, there's always that element of danger when you take on the forces of rainbows, unicorns, and freezer bunnies.  It's not easy, going against the status quo to bring the sexy back, kwim?  But Mom can handle it.  If anything, the other inmates better watch out, especially if anyone wants to use the toilet when she's on it. She's no pushover, that's for sure."

"'Bring the sexy back?.............Really?...........I just don't get you, Clyde."

"That's okay.  Nobody gets Mom, well, except me, and she kicks ass!"

Figures that the evil kid thinks Barb is awesome.

Speaking of the status quo,

"Um, somebody peed on your floor.  That's pretty gross, you should clean that up."

I have no idea who did it.  I didn't hear that fail jingle but I don't always.  No one is filthy, sinks not broken.  So not a clue what happened.

"I'm starving, got any sketti?"

Go away.

"How do I get out?"

I don't know, how did you get in?

"Oh no, GRIM!!  I've got to get out of here!!"

"AAAAAHHHHH!!  They've got me!  NOOOOO!!  I'm too beautiful to die!!  HEEEELLLLLP!!!"

He eventually found his way out through the front gate.

So, how did it go?

"Piece of cake!  I worked out, slapped some bitches around, worked out some more, a day well spent."

I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, though I don't envy the poor women who had to share a cell with you.

"What?  I was the only woman with, like, three wimpy ass dudes."

Oh.  Go you. Now get home, there're issues.

Bonnie: "Great.  Maybe no one saw and I can just go to bed and pretend to be totally clueless when Mom comes home and blows a gasket."

I will leave you with more of my good deeds.

This is as far as I've played so I've no idea what's coming up.  I'm assuming Barb will get arrested again, Vag will fail school, the house will continue to resemble a crackhouse, and we may get a new torchholder.

Oh, Bonnie survives the sink breaking incident.  I know that much.

Here, have a glitchy vampire baby to hold you over.

"That's right, have a nice, looooooooong look.  You know you want to..............Keep looking...............look INTO MY EYES!!"

Don't do it!  His missing arms will reach through the screen and strangle you.

Torchholders: 7

LTW: 3
Children: 25
Social Worker Visits: 0
Accidental/Total Deaths: 0/17
Pass Outs: 7
Pee fails: 14
Fires: 3
Fights: 0  
Reach top of career: 1
$100,000: 4