Dogs, Cats, and Horses

Let's just jump right in, shall we?

It's ToMOOto's birthday! 

"I can hardly contain my excitement."

Can't we all.

"Is it done?  Did I growed up?"

 

 

She rolled eccentric. Meaning, if she gets torchholder she'll be setting herself on fire a lot.

 

HD had his birthday next.

 

 



"I wish to become a complete asshole!"

Who the heck wishes for something like that?

"I know!  Mean-spirited, ain't it?  I am the hotness, yes?"

You've got a booger on your nose.

"FUCK!!"

Nevermind, it's gone now.

The first thing he does is break the sink. 

"Goddammit, why is everything in this house such SHIT!!"

Huh, I guess it's Pancake's birthday as well.  I honestly have no idea if it's the same day or not. 

I IZ AWESOME SIMMER!!

"I'm bald."

You are at that.  You could polish that thing and signal passing planes with it.

"Cheesus, Dad!  You're wearing freakin' COW pajamas!!  BLUE COW PAJAMAS!! Don't you know that blue cows are endangered??  What the hell's the matter with you?  Don't you care?"

"I'm not sure how to respond."

I'd go after the crocheted suit jacket, myself.

Just when HD finishes yelling at everyone, and convincing you that he's a complete dick, he turns around and holds his little brother.

"He's the only one who's not a complete idiot."

He's young, yet.  Give him time.

Moo discovered the treehouse.

"I'm keepin' an eye out for space ships."

Looking for aliens?

"No, robots.  Way cooler than aliens.  Plus you can strip them for parts."

"Move it, Dad.  I gotta take a dump."

"Occupied!! OCCUPIED!!"

"Relax!  I ain't lookin'."

"Shoo, Moo!  I was in here first!"

"No, YOU shoo!  You're all done! You're bein' inappropriate, here, DAD!!"

There's another bathroom down the hall.  Okay, it's only got a toilet in it but, let's face it, that's the important part. People don't have to cram into this tiny room in highly questionable poses.

"Just take a deep breath, Chris.  Breathe in....breathe out.  Breathe in........breathe out."

Not the room I'd choose to do that in, but whatever gets you by.

"Fairies are BAD, Pancake.  Can you say that?  Fairies. Are. Bad!  They make the fridge stinky, and ring your doorbell then run away!  Fairies. Are.........Pancake are you paying attention?"

"Huh.  The floor in the hallway is a different color from the floor in the living area.  And the wood pattern is the same, so it looks really stupid. Who built this dump?"

Nobody asked you.  Shut up and pay attention to your mother.

"Good lord!  She's, like, RIGHT THERE!!  Right up in my face!!  It's called PERSONAL SPACE, lady!!  Look it up!  Damn!"

Oh hell, he can talk just fine.

"Look, Mom!  I have the Powers of Levitation!!"

"Hot Dog, quit fooling around and do your homework.  What are you supposed to be working on?"

"I'm supposed to write about the Sunset Valley Fire Department.  I didn't know we had a fire department."

"Make sure to include keeping fairies off your lawn.  I think there's a spray you can buy at the grocery store."

"That's not going to help me, Mom."

"Fairicide helps everybody, sweetheart."

"This house is such shit!  There is NOTHING fun to do here!"

You could read a book.

"Are you fucking kidding?  What the hell do you think I do all day at school?  I'm not gonna come home and read a damn book.  Why can't we get another tv?  Dad just got a promotion."

 



Yeah, he did.  I suppose HD has a point.  There's all kinds of fun stuff for toddlers and kids. And if Grape and/or Chris start to get low I send them to woo-hoo.  But there's really not much for HD to do other than read, or stand in a corner and yell to himself.  So I broke down and bought something fun with Chris' fat paycheck.

"That is not a tv."

It's fun and you'll like it!  I thought about another tv but not only are they really expensive, but it's just going to break again.  This is something everyone but toddlers can do, and it won't break. 

"I hate this house."

Chris broke it in first thing after he got home.

"This is awesome!!"

He played it all.night.long.

"Helloooooooo???  No one's answering!"

It's two o'clock in the morning.

"But this asshole is awake!"

Yeah but he's got a new precious, I don't think he even sees you.

Chris: "That's right, I'm coming for YOU, King!!"

See that horse in the background?

"Zzzzzzzz I iz brilliant horse. zzzzzzzzzzZ  Zzzzzzzzz Found da perfect sleepin' spot zzzzzzzzzZ"

You know what's going to happen.

Headline: "PREGNANT WOMAN DECAPITATES WAYWARD HORSE!!  Details at 11."

Emma Hatch: "Another pothole?  My tax dollars aren't payin' for shit in this town."

"Where'd it go?"

Heads up, Chris.

"OW!!!"

Moron.

Sun's up, man.  Dawn has cracked.  Maybe you should start thinking about, I don't know, going to bed?

"He will be mine.  Oh yes, he will be mine."

I'm going to regret buying this game, I just know it.

"Why do I have to share my birthday?"

It just worked out that way, Moo, sorry.  You can go first, how about that?

See that car in the street?  That's Grape's carpool, she's finally going back to work, after she ages up Pancake.

"I look amazing!!"

She rolled excitable.

"I, also, got my mother's haircut."

Yup, you're taking a trip to the mirror.

Pancake's turn!

"I wish to have hair!"

DENIED!!

"Can we get a cat?"

Only if you become torchholder.

"MOM, can I get a cat?"

Sweetie, your mom hightailed it to work as soon as she put you down.

"My life is empty and meaningless"

I gave Moo beauty pageant hair, for no other reason than it amuses me.

"Whatever, I look fan-fucking-tastic!!"

You sure do.

Why?  It's not like he doesn't have a bed.

Some of Grape's plants died, so there's finally room in the garden to play in the sprinkler.

Heh, guess what movie I just saw? Unfortunately the garden only fits one, as of now.

"GET OUTTA HERE, HD!!  I WANNA PLAY IN THE SPRINKLER!!"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak cow.  Go moo somewhere else, Moo."

"You ain't even wearin' a bathing suit, you loser!!  At least I know how to dress!"

"Go chew your cud, you ugly bovine!"

Later, out back.

"When I'm torchholder, I'm going to get a big, fluffy kitty!"

"When I'm torchholder, I'm going to get a huge, guard dog!"

"And I will wear it on my head so everyone will stop makin' fun of me for bein' bald."

"And I will train it to attack cows, then Moo will be sorry!!"

"Then maybe my life won't be so bad."

"It's gonna be soooo SWEET."

LOL!  Coordinated "talk to self"s.  They were going at it, looking like they were having a conversation, but as far as each was concerned, the other might as well have not even been there.

"We are NOT getting a stinky, smelly, drooly old DOG!"

"Oh yeah?  Well we're sure as HELL not getting stinky, mean old CAT!"

I don't think we're going to get either.

"Hi, horsie!  Are you coming to live with us?"

Deer: "Wait, what?"

Pancake brought a friend home from school, and promptly abandoned her to go do this.

Awwww, he looks like a little, sleeping Nosferatu. His friend didn't mind.  She spent a good hour doing this,

"Nufin is as imporint as ood ora hyeene."

Meet Alyson Morris-Sekemoto, who just happens to be insane.  Guess who Pancake's gonna marry if he's torchholder?

From the bedroom:  "MARRY??  Ewwwwwww!!"

Oh go back to sleep.

Grape got invited to a party, and since this was the first one that she could attend without too much risk of the house going to hell in her absence, she did.

It was HOPPIN', I tell you what. 

"Alright, kid, just sit there, drink your bottle, and shut the hell up.  I'm gonna put 'True Blood' on an' I don't wanna miss anything."

And that was it.  The party-throwers teenage daughter, who was stuck babysitting her little brother because her parents weren't even home.  Epic party, Emma Hatch.

Grape was happy to watch tv.

Um, that is not 'True Blood'. 

"Of course not, that show is not at all appropriate for impressionable, young girls."

"*sigh* When are you leavin', lady?  I told you my mother throws the worst parties. I don't even know when she's gonna be home."

Emma showed around 11pm.  Grape was tired so she just hauled back down the street to home.

Next time, more birthdays!  Yay!

Torchholders: 1

LTW: 0

Children: 3

Social Worker Visits: 0

Accidental/Total Deaths: 0/0

Pass Outs: 0

Pee fails: 0

Fires: 0

Fights: 0 

Reach top of career: 0

$100,000: 0